I've changed / I'm still changing

Sometimes it’s not easy to recognize that you are changing as a person when you’re in the midst of trying situation in life. You’re too busy focusing on how you got yourself in this mess and trying to figure out ways to get out. You’re most likely to be too preoccupied with the frustrations that you are experiencing on a daily basis to notice that you are actually getting through this trying situation. Then something happens one day, you realize that you have made it through the worst of the storm. Now while you may still be in the tunnel, you can actually see the light at the end. This is the moment when you start to look at things differently. You finally stop focusing on your little situation and begin noticing that there is indeed a bigger picture at work and that it is much more worthy of your time and energy. This moment of revelation may be different for everyone but for me it came through my interactions with my co-workers. Specifically, those co-workers around my age. I listen to them vent their frustrations and share their problems. After which, I usually offer my two cents of advice and let that be that. But something was different today, in offering my advice I realized that I’m in a different place in life from my co-workers/peers. According to my date of birth alone, I am older than them. But I’m beginning to see that through life experience and maturation, I am older as well. In addition, Houston, Texas is not my home and I am no longer in school. I served my time, earned my degree, and entered the real world. Not the I’m working, going to school, but still living at home real world. The real world where if I don’t wok, then I don’t eat. So yes, I now view the world through a different set of lenses. Life is too short for me to sweat the small and trivial matters. If something (or someone) is not enhancing my life then they are a liability and I refuse to waste time on a liability. Long story short, I’ve changed. And I’m still changing because as one person once told me, “Change is not an act, it’s a process.” But I’ve changed enough in this past year to where I’m finally noticing these changes and I must admit, I like them. I know that they will only make me a better, stronger, smarter, and wiser woman and hey, I would be a fool if I didn’t want that.

Weekends Suck

Someone once told me that they hated the weekends because they couldn't do much as far as job searching was concerned and they didn't have the money to just have fun. I understood what this person said but never really felt them on it until now. I absolutely hate the weekends. I'm 1200+ miles away from all that is more familiar to me including my closest friends and family. The two words that describe me the best right now are broke and lonely. I think God every day that I do have a job to go to and that this job is taking care of my needs but that's it. It's only taking care of my needs and I'm living check to check in the process anyway. I've never been this broke in my life. Adding to that frustration is that this city is so freakin large. I would love to visit family or go explore a little but I don't have the extra money to replenish that gas that would inevitably be used during such an excursion. Not to mention that I haven't done some serious shopping in almost a year. Finally, I do get lonely at times. I've someone grown accustomed to someone else always being around and while I absolutely enjoy living on my own, I could use a little attention. My current source of entertainment has to be the absolute worst when it comes to answering texts and calls so I'm pretty much bored with him. So here I am, on a Friday night in one of the largest cities in the country, at home - broke, bored, and alone.

Are you ready?

"Don't say your ready for a good man if you're not ready to be a good woman." (or vice versa)

My co-worker said this earlier today when he was referring to a status he posted on Facebook. He then mentioned that the woman he's currently interested in told him that they should avoid each other after reading it. Hmm...sounds to me like she knows she isn't ready for a good man. Better yet, she knows she isn't ready to be a good woman. Now that begs the question, how does one know when they're ready to be the right man/woman. Do you wake up one with this realization? Does God have to tell you? Do you recognize it when that right person comes along?

Natural Hair #1

I'm still baffled that some people view the way I wear my hair as revolutionary. Must it be revolutionary that I choose the looked the way God wanted me to look? Also, the next person that asks how I get my hair to do this may catch a swift one to the throat.

The First Kiss

I could feel the tension growing in my hands as I struggled to hold myself up.

I promise, time was standing still.

I could feel my blood pumping through my veins.

My breath became very shallow.

Was this to be the night?

My heartbeat was all over the place.

Every move he made sent chills through my body.

I thought I would faint as he moved in closer, his every word piercing my soul.

Was this to be the night?

My arms began to shake.

My breath was ready to explode from my chest.

He looked into my eyes and I started to melt.

I couldn't believe what I felt.

Was this to be the night?

I felt him move in closer.

His scent was so nice.

It was really about to happen.

This was to be the night.

"Dress for the job you want..."

(Originally written on 1/31/10 via Blackberry)

I believe God wants me to share the following. I pray it touches someone's soul.

"Dress for the job you want, not the for the one you have."

This quote speaks to me far beyond the clothes I wear. Anticipate God's blessings in your life. Why should give you your deepest desires if you can't even show Him that you are preparing for them. Also that you are trusting Him to provide them in His time (that's a more difficult thing I know). I am adopting this into my life starting now. So yes, I will go into an auto show and sit in a Jaguar, believing that God will provide me a way to one day have the means to purchase one (or a similar vehicle). Yes, I will going to the most expensive areas of the 4th largest city in the US and look at $1000+ a month apartments, having faith that God will provide for this as well (or a home). I will also go into the high end stores and studying high fashion so I know what I want when I get to the place where I can purchase them.

This also expands beyond the material wants. God can help in whatever personal changes I need to make. So I will watch my tongue and take a greater evaluation of who I allow in my life. I will ask God to give me the spirit of discernment to detect what is and is not of him.

Ok, enough for now. This was put into my spirit and I had to share immediately. Thank God for this smartphone now I have no reason to not move when He tells me to move.